Why have I kept my PostHaven account?

Soooo I don't post often at all, I've posted two quick notes with one of them being about what I will post.  But every month I pay $5 to keep my PostHaven account active after contemplating discontinuing it.  I invariably come to the conclusion that I will start posting more but each month goes by and I don't.

So why do I keep paying $5 a month?

The truth is I'm a private person, an introvert who likes to keep most of my thoughts to myself, but I struggle with being more public.  On Facebook I only post funny pictures or things I think my friends will find interesting but not nearly as much as others.  On Twitter I predominately retweet sentiments I agree with or find funny because it's easier and most of the time somebody else can put into words what I'm thinking better than I can.  The only thing I posted semi-regularly on is a music blog I was using with some friends but that was mainly an easy way to share new music with them.

So why do I keep paying $5 a month when I struggle with posting at all?

Because I want to in the future.  I want to share my thoughts with whoever is willing to read them with the hope that they lead to different thoughts on the other end or are just found interesting.  I keep paying each month because I feel it'll force me to post more often than if the site were free.  That might not make sense to most but the small extrinsic motivation keeps me hopeful that I will start to change and open up.  So that's what I'll continue to do, hoping that one day I'll change my ways and become part of the person I wish to be.

And that starts by doing this